Only a Dream

"Only a Dream"

I possess a question
Of which to you I beckon
For your honest answer
My dearest tiny dancer
What is the truthful meaning
of someone seemingly dreaming
dreams never dreamt before?
Of strangest people, oddest places
Wild eyes, ecstatic faces
Acting bold and without fear
My soul is sold- I belong here
Entwined in fantasy forevermore
I ask you this, and nothing more.

Please appease me as I ponder
My thoughts and dreams often wander
To a place that is forbidden,
In this space my dreams are written.
Please follow me: no hesitation
(Let us ignore the implications)
Deep inside my mind.
I beg for your reply
Even as you ask me why
But the reason does forsake me
As the blackness overtakes me
For you, I search and try to find
Only here, blind leads the blind.

You search my face for reason
Relish in temptation- treason!
But you can't deny the fact
That my eyes they do attract
A certain curiosity from within
So I taunt you with a grin
Eating at you evermore.
Yet the question idly remains
Will you let me drive you insane?
And curb your wild appetite-
Hungry for such unreal delights
However dangerous, you seek more
These devlish eyes you do adore...

But, tis only a dream... and nothing more.

By: ME
Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe

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Dreams of a Surfer

Last Sunday, at the dreadful hour of 5 am, I was awoken by my eager brother quietly knocking on my bedroom door. I sat up in the darkness and briefly glanced at the clock resting on my nightstand: it read "4:58 a.m." Needless to say, I felt like a zombie. I tiptoed to the door to answer his beckoning knock and as the door cracked open he whispered "I'm making you breakfast, when do you want to go?" Normally, if someone awoke me at such an ubsurd hour, heads would roll... but this morning was different. I was driving my brother up the coast to catch the infamous hurricane swell he'd been waiting for all year. Hurricane Bill -just off shore- recently skirted up the coast producing a ground swell, creating big, clean, glassy surf. After wolfing down some scrambled eggs and a couple waffles, we loaded up the car, and proceeded north to Jensen Beach in Martin County. During the solid hour and a half drive, we blasted the radio (which amazingly was playing some awesome tunes at such an early hour) and we sang and danced in the car like a couple of crazy young kids. For the first time in at least 2 years, I felt like me and my brother were truly bonding. Around 6:30 a.m. the sky slowly commenced its transformation: from pitch black to a rich navy, and then to a violet purple with ribbons of pink and orange. The sun was rising from the horizon, and a new day was born. When we arrived at the beach, my brother scrambled out of the car and up the sand dune to assess the surf conditions. His blindingly bright smile was enough for me- I raced to the beach and witnessed for myself the reasons why surfers are addicted to waves and married to the sea.

After watching my brother and his bestfriend surf for a few hours, I decided to build up my courage and try it for myself. The waves- not quite as big as my brother anticipated (they were approximately 5-7 feet) looked absolutely beautiful. I knew I had to try surfing for myself. After donning a rash guard and attaching the leash to my ankle, I walked down the beach to the entry point. Once in the water, with trepidation I realized that the waves only appeared smaller from the beach! My brother kept encouraging me to paddle hard to keep up. I could sense his nerves about me being crushed by white water. Thankfully, after pushing past the fire in my shoulders and the desire to give up, I MADE IT. I was "out back" with all the boys. Soon, the sets arrived with more consistency and the walls of water that crept up from behind appeared to grow bigger and bigger with each passing wave. I knew there was no way I would attempt to ride any of these waves, but I wanted to atleast catch one to perhaps "boogie-board" down. I remember looking behind me towards the horizon: the forceful energy of the ocean rapidly rushed towards me. This was it. I started paddling like mad, the wave began to pick me up- higher, higher, higher- and when I looked down to see the steep blue face, I stopped dead in my tracks. The monster passed me by and just like a playful knock on the chin, she slapped me with a little backspray. It was as if she was saying "Not this time!" I laughed out loud, and as the sun created a brilliant sparkle on the water, I fell even more in love. One must fully respect the ocean before you can become one with her.

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"Carpe diem"

It's a Saturday night, 8:00 p.m. and I haven't found reason to get out of my pj's. The sky has been crying all day today due to this tropical blob that's currently resting over the so-called Sunshine State... Since I've been lounging around lazily all day, I've been day-dreaming about future trips I want to take and adventures I want to delve into. I feel like now is the time to grab life by the balls (excuse the vulgarity) but it's true! There are so many things I want to try and do before I'm too old and too attached to get away. Now, I know what you must be thinking: "You're only 23, you're so young!" Yet, I know how life literally slips through your fingertips like sand in an hourglass. I don't want to all of a sudden be in my 40's looking back on my 20's and saying "Damn... shoulda, coulda, woulda..." So I feel like I must take advantage of every single opportunity that comes my way. The question that now lingers on my brain remains: what's next??

And so I say this to you all: "Carpe diem!"

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My one and only composition

I composed this song several years ago... it is the one and only song I've ever managed to complete. It still has no name. I only know what it makes me think of... and that's unrequited love. Listen to it...what does it make you think of? But first, turn off the playlist at the bottom!

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Man's Bestfriend

It was just a little past midnight- and a good friend described to me in full detail the last moments she shared with her dog today. I've only met this dog once- and yet I couldn't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. And while I know it's not the loss of this particular dog that was causing my saddness- something deeper tugged at my chest. What triggered the streams down my cheeks was when my friend told me that when the "end" was near, Jada, the Rottweiler of only 8 years, looked happy: as if she knew what was about to happen- as if she knew her pain would be taken away momentarily. I'm not sure whether our conversation conjured supressed feelings of fear in regards to death in general, or whether I was just in need of releasing the emotional anxiety that's been building within me recently. Regardless of the reason, it felt good to cry. I could almost feel the "feel-good" hormones releasing in my brain as the tears fell. Lump in throat, burning eyes, quivering lip... I felt loss, I felt saddness, I felt compassion... I felt love.


I think the core of me could feel my friend's loss. I could feel her pain and anguish. As she spoke of the final moments, I envisoned what she may have seen. And while losing a pet is not the most devastating thing that can happen to us in our lifetime, it certainly doesn't make it any easier. There is no love in this world more unconditional than the love of a dog. So I take a deep breath, dry my tears, and give my little girl Roxy a big hug and kiss.

Roxy

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Speak Easy

I was driving home from work today, looking rediculous to anyone who passed by because I was listening to an old CD mix that I was singing and dancing to like a retard... reminds me- I desperately need window tinting. Ha! One particular song always brings back the familiar feeling that I feel when I'm out on the water: a sense of liberation and freedom. If you'd like to hear this song- it is on my playlist at the bottom of the page. :)

"Speak Easy" by 311
If there's a scream inside of you
Just let it go
You're beating yourself up baby
Don't you know
You've got to get through
And lift the roof off your soul

It's like the pain locked
In the part of your heart
It's never gonna leave it
Unless you start to warm it up
Be wise and be smart

Out on the ocean
There's no one around
No one to hear a sound
It's just us out here
Out on the ocean
Speaking free

Away from the city
Away from the ears that
Bug us and judge us
It's so liberating
To be free
And my heart slows down

Nice and easy
And your breathing will be pleasing
Just speak easy
And say what's on your mind
I search for something
To compare you to
Thought long and hard
For a simile true
Now I'm suddenly aware
End the quest you're beyond compare
So speak easy

If there's a shadow in your life
Then there's sunshine
Things turning inside out
All the time
Just rewind
It's all in your mind

Oh so speak easy

Out here we're floating
Late in the night
And the only light to guide us is a
Full moon that's glowing
On the sea

Nice and easy
And your breathing will be pleasing
Just speak easy
And say what's on your mind
I search for something
To compare you to
Thought long and hard
For a simile true
Now I'm suddenly aware
End the quest you're beyond compare
So speak easy

Speak easy
Speak easy
Speak easy

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Silent Companion

Think about this question for a moment: if you could be anywhere, at this very moment in time, where would it be? Quick! First thing that pops into your head! The first image that pops into my head is the glow of a full moon over the horizon of a black ocean. I'm standing at the water's edge as the waves gently lap at my feet. Stars speckle the black canvas that is the sky, my toes nestle into the wet sand, and I stare aimlessly out towards the neverending sea. I am at peace. The only sounds I can hear are the rustling of waves caressing the shore: inhale, exhale. I see a silhouette standing beside me, looking in the same direction; yet, I am unsure of who joins me. Words remain unspoken, lips sealed, eyes open. And then it hits me: this silent companion is not one person- yet a mosaic of every individual who has ever touched my life (however small or insignificant). Then, as a smile stretches across my face, realization sets in deep: my silent companion.... is me.

Photo courtesy of T. Thyberg

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Oceanic Dreaming

If you haven't noticed by the title and theme of my blog- I am completely and utterly in love with the ocean. It is my life's greatest passion. Perhaps this should've been my first entry... rather than the random rant I posted at 3 am! Anyway, I thought I'd share a poem that I wrote about my love for the ocean. To me, it is the essence of all life- the mother of all creation. It commands our respect, conjures fear in some and utmost admiration in others, and above all: requires our attention and devotion to protect and conserve it's natural resources and wonders. Because without the ocean- life will cease to exist.

"Mother Ocean"

My heart rests in the depths of the sea
Floating, weightless, is this a dream?
My breath is taken away from me
My eyes race with curiosity

Once submerged life slows down
Feet no longer need the ground
Turquoise tones dance all around
Beneath the waves my soul is bound

Rolling energy breaks above
An invisible surge tugs and shoves-
A gentle caress from the one I love
My spirit, my life- she grasps a hold of

Respect- a necessity to witness this place
I could lose myself in time and space
She could make me vanish without a trace
I give her my reverence and relish her embrace

Immersed and surrounded by liquid undulations
My body trembles with each sensation
I surrender with instant admiration-
The Ocean: Mother of all creation

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Welcome to my world...

This evening (or morning, as it's 2:58 a.m.) I am beckoned by my craving to write. I never considered writing a blog before, but I have been intrigued by others' writings and decided to start one of my own. I've always been passionate about writing; however, until recently I have lacked reason to put words to paper (or in this case, to a blog!) But now I feel compelled- by some unknown source- to pour my thoughts out through my fingertips onto this keyboard on which I currently type.

I had dinner with a good friend of mine tonight- and she told me how she thought it was "cool" that I keep my talents a secret from most. I guess I enjoy remaining somewhat of a mystery. There's a lot more to me than meets the eye. But then again, don't most people think that about themselves? I am perplexed by my feelings of late- about life, love, adventure, and choices. I have yet to decide if life is driven more by one's choices or attitudes (I lean towards a combination of both). Right now, I am amazed at the different roads I have traveled in comparison to my beloved brother. We were born to the same parents, the same upbringing, the same home, the same love... and yet we have taken completely opposing paths through life. It pains me to think that life can be so hard and challenging for someone I love and care about, and yet be so seemingly easy for me. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of disappointments, heartaches, struggles, etc. But it seems I've skated smoothly so far, turning at the right moments in the right directions.

When does the bubble burst? When is the ground going to be ripped from under my feet? When is the sky going to fall? I can't continue to berate myself with these questions: it could drive oneself mad. Instead, I like to live life in the present moment: one day at a time, one laugh at a time, one tear at a time, and pray that it lasts long enough to mean something.

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