Carpe diem

I'm not usually at a loss for words, but lately I feel like I'm completely tongue-tied. I just can't get the words out in a cohesive manner. Normally, writing is my forte. But for some reason, the connection between my mind and my words is pleasantly scrambled and disconnected. Maybe it's because I can't really explain in words how I feel. Maybe it's because the internal fire that is burning within me can't be defined or described by words. Maybe it's because I've been completely dumbfounded by recent developments in my life. I'm simply exhausted. I'm incessantly trying to put the pieces together, from my mind down onto paper, (or in this case digital imagery) :) and it's just not working! Everything that comes out seems inadequate. And this blog entry is no exception! And I've never been quite so frustrated with myself. But the funny thing is, I don't really mind.

Learning to let go of certain things isn't easy. Learning to hand yourself over to the unknown is frightening. Taking chances is scary. But these are challenges I find myself facing right now. Everything ahead of me is uncertain, but it's okay. I've never been more ready to make a move. Is it faith in something greater than myself that everything will be okay? Or is it faith in myself to know that the path I take, will lead me where I want to go. Maybe it's a bit of both.

All I can hope for is that when I take this next leap - I'm able to catch myself before I hit the ground. And hopefully, I'll have some help with that along the way. If you're reading this and thinking "what the hell is she talking about?" good... you're not supposed to know. But if you're reading this and know exactly what I'm talking about... then you're one of those select few that I will need close by in heart and mind. Is this my prelude to the next chapter I'm about to write? I would say so...

So with that I say: here's to recognizing when life isn't giving you what you want/need, and having the courage to go after it. Carpe diem.

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Ode to October

There's just something about October, where the days slowly lengthen and are accompanied by subtle changes in the air. It is in this enchanting, myseterious month that fall truly makes its grand entrance. When I think of October, I am reminded of my childhood. Even in Florida, I was always acutely aware of the tangible difference I could feel in my surroundings once October arrived. My favorite time of day was always late afternoon and dusk. It was then that the sky turned brilliant colors of orange and gold while a gentle afternoon breeze made the trees sway slightly back and forth. The wind would softly rustle the leaves, and occasionally, a few would gracefully descend from their branches and land ever so lightly on the ground. Then, once the sun dipped lower into the sky, the bright orange and gold colors slowly transformed into pinks and purples, and finally, purple and black. October marks the beginning of the end for me; the start of the season that ends the year. It is during this time of year when I begin to reflect on months past. I always seem to say the same thing: "I can't believe it's October." Because it is always in October when I realize just how fast life is flying by.

But also in October is one of my favorite holidays - do I even need to say it? It's Halloween. It is the one time a year where it is perfectly OK to be someone else for a day. It doesn't matter who or what you want to be, you are allowed to escape your life for that day and completely submerge yourself into your own fantasy world. There's something magical about Halloween. Whether it's the eeriness of the night, the suspension of reality, or the fact that we can delve into our minds to create whatever terrifying delights we can imagine. There's something sexy about Halloween too (and I don't just mean the provocative costumes). For me, there is something intriguing about creatures that lurk in the night, where ghosts may walk and spirits may talk. Or what about the mystic glow of a jack-o-lantern? Or the shadows cast by the irridescent glow of a full moon? Or the howling of the wind on a chilly night? Or just getting spooked in the dark. It spikes your adrenaline, it gets you excited, and above all else, it peaks our curiosity about the unknown.

So for me, Halloween is more than just dressing up and getting treats (whether as a child getting candy, or an adult partying and getting drunk). It's about recognizing the creativity we all have within us to imagine unworldly worlds, ghastly characters, or discovering -if just for one night- our very own "dark side."

Happy October and have a Happy Halloween everyone.

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