A picture's worth a 1,000 words

The other night, I was beckoned by a couple of plastic boxes sitting next to my night stand that had been collecting dust since my Mom's last visit. I wanted to find old pictures of my Dad and me for Father's Day. Upon searching through these boxes, I became lost in the memories of times past. I quickly realized that those simple plastic boxes held the treasured contents of my life: photos ranging from the time I was just a bald blue-eyed baby in diapers, to a growing woman in college trying to find herself and chart her path into adulthood. Some of those photos made me smile warmly with fond memories of childhood innocence and playfulness. Other photos made me feel pangs of grief, whether it was for a lost loved one or for the simple fact that I am no longer the child I once was, although much of that little girl still lives wildly within me. Some of those photos made me chuckle out loud while fondly remembering some of my more mischievous antics with friends, families, and ex-boyfriends alike. And some of those photos made me weep quietly in the dark silence that had become my living room. Amazing what a simple picture can do to conjure up so much feeling and emotion -  I was so immersed looking into these windows of  my past that I failed to realize how late it had become. But I pressed on, flipping through each one with more eagerness than the last. Each photo felt like it had its own gravity - pulling me into it and allowing me to re-live parts of my life I had almost forgotten existed.

Perhaps the more somber and exhilarating realization of it all is the fact the only thing that is ever truly constant in our lives is change. As we grow, we typically move on from the familiar faces and places of our childhood. You proclaim to be someone's "BFF" as a child not knowing the harsh reality that you will likely grow apart, and those half-heart Best Friends Forever necklace charms you used to wear end up tarnished in an old jewelry box; or perhaps, you just lose it forever. That boyfriend(s) you swore you were in love with - the one(s) you thought you could never ever live without - they turn into strangers and eventually distant memories, only to resurface as an old faded picture. And you may wonder: what was I thinking? Even as an adult, you make new friends as you lose old ones. Some will stay in your lives forever and true, while others will fade into the background while you begin to wonder why you were ever friends in the first place? And some you will choose to lose because eventually you grow up and realize that the relationships we hold dear are supposed to uplift us, not restrict us. There just isn't any room for relationships that are fraught with judgments, jealousy, and negativity. It's disappointing sometimes, but nevertheless necessary.

You never realized that compared to the rest of your life... high school was a piece of cake. I'll just say it: sometimes being an adult sucks (sometimes it's cool, but staying out late drinking beer all night isn't all it's cracked up to be when the morning comes and your mouth feels like its stuffed with cotton and you're hung over for the entire day saying to yourself "I'm getting too old for this shit."

Change is inevitable. We don't typically notice our parents aging. It's not so obvious until you see their youthful glowing faces in a sepia-toned photo. But then you may go almost a year without seeing them, and realize their faces are more worn, and their hair more gray. It becomes evident that you must start to face the stark reality that those pillars of your life that instilled your core values, strength, poise, compassion, moral fiber, and love... are not permanent. Eventually, you will have to rely on what they taught you and live the rest of your life without them. But what's so incredibly sad about the cycle of life, is immensely beautiful at the same time... it is the simple fact that you may (if you choose) begin the circle of life once more. You have the ability and the choice to pass on the stories, lessons, trials and triumphs of your life - so that you may re-live life vicariously through the eyes of your children.

And although I haven't made that decision for myself just yet, I know the potential is there. And that alone makes me smile.

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