Ode to Honolulu

It hits me in waves - surge after surge, the salt from the earth and sea come forth through my eyes. I'm leaving my paradise home... the place where I felt like I truly "found myself" as an adult...

The other day I went for a long walk by myself to clear my mind and get some much needed exercise. I started down my usual path along the Ala Wai, turning right up Kanekapolei and heading straight through to Kalakaua to walk along the beach. When I arrived at the beach, I stopped for a moment and looked out to the endless sea. It was late afternoon and the sun was beginning to sink lower in the sky. Surfers and stand-up paddle boarders dotted the ocean's surface. I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes - Waikiki Beach - the place where I spent hundreds of hours learning to surf and hundreds more enjoying the beautiful turquoise waves with Diamond Head as the perfect backdrop to countless dawn patrols and sunset surf sessions.

First wave at Canoes, Waikiki Beach, Summer 2011

Tahitian swell, Canoes, Waikiki Beach, Summer 2013

I continued down the beach, watching all the happy tourists with their shopping bags, the familiar smell of sunscreen hanging heavy in the air. As I got further down the beach towards Diamond Head, I spotted the typical volleyball nets set up with the same crews playing week after week. And there it was - the sight of so many brutal beat downs - beach workout. I stopped going to beach workout several months ago for various reasons (i.e., excuses) but nevertheless, I felt the lump in my throat rise and the tears fall. I  continued on into the park areas and arrived at Kaimana Beach Park... the site of so many beach BBQ's with friends - welcome parties, birthdays, holidays, or "just because..." The tears continued streaming.

Welcome BBQ for Trav

Welcome BBQ for my brother

After walking a bit further I finally reached my destination: the little walk-through to Tonggs, Suicides, and Graveyards - where I first learned to surf a short board. I stood there watching the ocean for a while, reminiscing about different surf sessions I had with different friends - I thought about the time my friend Ray and I were the only two people at Gravey's -  taking wave after wave after wave when I was first learning on my short board. After each wave, I'd look back and Ray would have his hands up in the air, indicating the number of waves I caught with his fingers: "Now you just need 10 more like that" he would yell to me. I thought about the time I was at Tonggs with Mark on a rising south swell at sunset... the waves were so big I didn't even try to catch them. I just watched and made sure I floated over each mountain of water rolling through. I also remembered the countless surf sessions around the corner at Diamond Head where I took some of my biggest drops EVER on my longboard... I also thought about the several sessions at Sui's where I caught my first real wave on my short board...

First wave on my short board at Suicides

Surfing Diamond Head, Summer 2014

I took a deep breath and sighed a heavy sigh... it was time to head home. As I walked out of the little neighborhood just beneath Diamond Head I just kept thinking how much I was going to miss this place. On my way back down Kalakaua, I stopped in at the local Yogurtland just to see the new holiday flavors. The clerk offered me some sample cups even though I was clearly not there to buy any yogurt. I walked to the back of the store and for some reason the emotional wave hit me once again. I was immediately reminded of the numerous impromptu yogurt dates I've had with my friends in the Waikiki area. A random mass text on a Friday night: "Yogurt date?" and we'd all converge at the Waikiki Yogurtland and take our sweet treats across the street to eat on the beach (wow, did not intentionally try to rhyme like that! LOL).  I swallowed the lump, thanked the clerk, and went home.

It's these random, beautiful memories that keep flooding my consciousness every day. The past 4+ years have been some of the most life-changing and amazing years of my life. Hawaii has been so incredibly good to me. I've met so many amazing people and have cultivated so many beautiful friendships that I know will last a lifetime. I learned an extremely challenging sport, both physically and mentally. I woke up everyday to the beautiful view of lush green mountains and palm trees swaying right outside my window (and no shortage of vivid rainbows)!

And last but certainly not least, I had an incredible job that took me all over the Pacific Islands region and taught me so much about protecting natural resources at the federal level. I had some amazing co-workers who also became really great friends in the process.

It is most certainly a grieving process that I have been experiencing. How could it not be? I got to live in paradise for the better half of my 20's. The process of "letting go" and "moving on" is not one that will happen quickly or easily. It is, for lack of a better word, painful. I remember feeling this way about leaving Florida. I will miss so many things about Hawaii - the laid back lifestyle, the perfect weather, the year-round surf, the beautiful scenery, perfect sunsets and happy hours, poke and acai bowls, living 5 minutes from the beach, trips to the North Shore (just to name a few)... but it's without a doubt the people I'll miss the most. To my Hawaii friends and o'hana... thank you. You've made life here incredibly fun and sweet. I am forever grateful for knowing you and you'll forever be in my heart. I love you all.

Looking forward, I know there is much to learn, much to grow, and much to love. It's time to start the next chapter of my life... but rest assured Hawaii - I'll be back!!!

Aloha nui loa....

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