Haven't met him...yet.

For anyone who knows their worth, and is still looking for that "one" to know it too. :)

He likes me, really likes me
My eyes, smile, laugh, lips
My curves, skin, hands, hips
He sees me, really sees me
Everything I am, everything I want to be
Everything I was, everything I will be
He knows me, really knows me
The dark, the light, the surface, the deep
And walks right through the walls I keep
He wants me, really wants me
Body and mind, heart and soul
Whether I'm broken or entirely whole
He needs me, really needs me
To make him smile, calm his fears
In his heart, I'm always near
He loves me, really loves me
And I'd give myself without regret
Because he likes me, sees me,
knows me, wants me, needs me,
and loves me...
I just haven't met him yet.

*NOTE* For those few who have expressed concern (and for those of you who haven't but wonder to yourself if I'm "OK") just for the record, not everything I write is from MY point of view. I like to take on different personas in my poetry/writings, so please don't take everything I write so literally. No, I'm not depressed, I'm not sad, I'm not even down! In fact, I'm actually happier than a pig n' shit! ;-) Thanks for reading!

Read more...

Thankful

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow. We all know what that means. We all look forward to stuffing our faces full to capacity with a feast that most people in this world dream about, then roll our gluttonous, over-stuffed bodies over to the couch, and blame the tryptophan (not the fact that we just ate about 2,000 calories of fatty, carby, sugary goodness in one sitting) for dozing in and out of consciousness while football plays on the TV in the background. Turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, potatos, yams, casseroles, pies, biscuits... are we not lucky? Should we not stop to breathe in deep the sweet and savory aromas of a Thanksgiving meal, and be grateful?

Gratitude is an amazing thing. It keeps you grounded. It keeps you humble. It keeps you satisfied - and while you may want more from life, gratitude helps you accept the fact that sometimes you can't always have what you want the exact moment that you want it... because it helps to reduce that disappointment you feel when things don't go exactly the way you want it to. Stay grateful. Things can always be much worse. Stop and take a look around - do you really, and truthfully, honestly have it that bad? Probably not...

So what am I thankful for this year? Well I'm thankful I'm alive for starters. I'm healthy, I'm in relatively good shape, I'm not ill, I have no ailments, I've got all my limbs, my lungs are breathing and my heart is beating. Awesome! Aside from the obvious, I'm thankful for my friends and family. Love is by far one of the most important things in life to be grateful for. If you can love someone, and be loved in return, then you can be grateful you've had the opportunity to feel that. I have some of the best friends in the world - and they are scattered all over the world too! St. Kitts, Canada, Australia, Florida, Virginia... but it doesn't matter - no matter how far away they are, no matter the time difference, they are always there for me, without fail. To have friends like that, I consider myself extremely lucky. And I'm grateful for each and every one of them. One person in particular (and you know who you are) I'm not sure where I'd be right now if it weren't for you. Thank you for being you, and thank you for being in my life. I'm grateful for knowing you.

And of course I'm thankful I have a job in something I actually studied for, and on top of that, I get to live in a beautiful paradise every single day. Sure, things haven't always gone as planned for me. Sure, I didn't expect to be in the position I'm in at this point in my life. But I'm not going to be down. I'm not going to drag myself through the ditches and beat myself up for mistakes I've made, and failures I've experienced. All of those things make me who I am. All of those dark moments have molded me into a stronger, more confident woman. And the best part is - there's a light at the end of this tunnel. A bright light. And I can see it, I can feel it... the light is mine, because I choose it. I'm thankful that the lightbulb finally went off for me. Because now, more than ever in my life, I know exactly what I want and what I need to be happy. And I will never settle for anything less.

Gratitude. Find it. And hold onto it tightly. It can save you.

Read more...

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

Could you please just quiet down for a minute? You're too loud these days. I can't concentrate on the life in front of me because you keep distracting me away from it. I'd love to sit and chit-chat with you all day, but then I realize the day is gone - and I haven't accomplished a damn thing. It's very easy to sit in my head with you, but it's just counter-productive. I rarely gain anything positive from our conversations; in fact, most of the time all I get from you is more anxiety and confusion about things. Just slow down for a minute, okay? Please? That would be great. It's difficult to stop and smell the roses, or really feel a cool breeze on my skin, or really take notice of a beautiful day when you're yammering at me all the time! Brain, don't take this the wrong way - I love you and everything, and I certainly couldn't live without you... but.... could you please do me a favor and just shut the f*ck up?!

Love,
Chelsey

Read more...

Thank you

A tribute to my nearest and dearest friends:

For keeping my tears from falling
For simply holding my hand
For keeping the darkness from calling
For helping me up to stand
Thank you.

For being a shoulder and an ear
For helping me breathe instead of drown
For settling my anxious fears
For keeping my feet on solid ground
Thank you.

For always being exactly what I need
For simply being here at all
For letting my emotions bleed
For answering every call
Thank you.

For making me laugh until I cry
For just letting me simply be
For never trying to pry
For being the friend I needed you to be
Thank you.

You know who you are. Thank you.

Read more...

Closing a chapter...

I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to do this. And this seemed to be the only logical option. So, since I pretty much use this space to spill my thoughts and feelings, here we go.

This may come as a shock to some - but if you've paid close attention at all in the last few months, it shouldn't be a big surprise. I don't like keeping big secrets to myself, and I've tried to allude to it for a while now. And while I don't think I can just come right out and say it in such black and white terms, it turns out the big fairytale of my life doesn't have a happy ending. It's a sad fact, but it's the truth. And while there is nothing but love and respect between us, and we are still (and plan to remain) friends, we've just realized that it just wasn't meant to be, unfortunately. So the next couple of months will be a difficult adjustment - but we both completely agree it's for the best.

And we both want to sincerely thank all of our family and friends for the unconditional support you've given us through all these years. We love you all.

Read more...

Carpe diem

I'm not usually at a loss for words, but lately I feel like I'm completely tongue-tied. I just can't get the words out in a cohesive manner. Normally, writing is my forte. But for some reason, the connection between my mind and my words is pleasantly scrambled and disconnected. Maybe it's because I can't really explain in words how I feel. Maybe it's because the internal fire that is burning within me can't be defined or described by words. Maybe it's because I've been completely dumbfounded by recent developments in my life. I'm simply exhausted. I'm incessantly trying to put the pieces together, from my mind down onto paper, (or in this case digital imagery) :) and it's just not working! Everything that comes out seems inadequate. And this blog entry is no exception! And I've never been quite so frustrated with myself. But the funny thing is, I don't really mind.

Learning to let go of certain things isn't easy. Learning to hand yourself over to the unknown is frightening. Taking chances is scary. But these are challenges I find myself facing right now. Everything ahead of me is uncertain, but it's okay. I've never been more ready to make a move. Is it faith in something greater than myself that everything will be okay? Or is it faith in myself to know that the path I take, will lead me where I want to go. Maybe it's a bit of both.

All I can hope for is that when I take this next leap - I'm able to catch myself before I hit the ground. And hopefully, I'll have some help with that along the way. If you're reading this and thinking "what the hell is she talking about?" good... you're not supposed to know. But if you're reading this and know exactly what I'm talking about... then you're one of those select few that I will need close by in heart and mind. Is this my prelude to the next chapter I'm about to write? I would say so...

So with that I say: here's to recognizing when life isn't giving you what you want/need, and having the courage to go after it. Carpe diem.

Read more...

Ode to October

There's just something about October, where the days slowly lengthen and are accompanied by subtle changes in the air. It is in this enchanting, myseterious month that fall truly makes its grand entrance. When I think of October, I am reminded of my childhood. Even in Florida, I was always acutely aware of the tangible difference I could feel in my surroundings once October arrived. My favorite time of day was always late afternoon and dusk. It was then that the sky turned brilliant colors of orange and gold while a gentle afternoon breeze made the trees sway slightly back and forth. The wind would softly rustle the leaves, and occasionally, a few would gracefully descend from their branches and land ever so lightly on the ground. Then, once the sun dipped lower into the sky, the bright orange and gold colors slowly transformed into pinks and purples, and finally, purple and black. October marks the beginning of the end for me; the start of the season that ends the year. It is during this time of year when I begin to reflect on months past. I always seem to say the same thing: "I can't believe it's October." Because it is always in October when I realize just how fast life is flying by.

But also in October is one of my favorite holidays - do I even need to say it? It's Halloween. It is the one time a year where it is perfectly OK to be someone else for a day. It doesn't matter who or what you want to be, you are allowed to escape your life for that day and completely submerge yourself into your own fantasy world. There's something magical about Halloween. Whether it's the eeriness of the night, the suspension of reality, or the fact that we can delve into our minds to create whatever terrifying delights we can imagine. There's something sexy about Halloween too (and I don't just mean the provocative costumes). For me, there is something intriguing about creatures that lurk in the night, where ghosts may walk and spirits may talk. Or what about the mystic glow of a jack-o-lantern? Or the shadows cast by the irridescent glow of a full moon? Or the howling of the wind on a chilly night? Or just getting spooked in the dark. It spikes your adrenaline, it gets you excited, and above all else, it peaks our curiosity about the unknown.

So for me, Halloween is more than just dressing up and getting treats (whether as a child getting candy, or an adult partying and getting drunk). It's about recognizing the creativity we all have within us to imagine unworldly worlds, ghastly characters, or discovering -if just for one night- our very own "dark side."

Happy October and have a Happy Halloween everyone.

Read more...