It's been too long

It truly has been too long since I've used this blog to express myself. I visit it on occasion and read through the things I've written in the past. I miss writing- but unfortunately, I haven't had much inspiration to write lately. Nothing has really moved me recently... except perhaps the day I got to dive again for the first time in several months. I desperately miss my ocean. It's been too long since I've gone diving for fun. I just don't get down there enough (and by "down there" I mean beneath the waves). I can visit the beach anytime I want and gaze out over the horizon- but until I'm completely submerged in that unpredictable wonderland, I am not truly satisfied.

Lately I have been pre-occupied. Trying to get that dream job where I can work to protect what I love so deeply. It's been too long. I graduated with my Master's degree almost 7 months ago, and I have yet to find a job. As a result, happiness evades me. Sometimes I just want to get on a boat and set sail to the middle of nowhere and forget about everything.

My heart is heavy. And it's been too long since it was light and joyful. I just want to feel free again like I did when I was a kid. No responsibilities, no real consequences, no judgements, no complexities, no predicaments, no bitterness, no resentments. It's been too long since things were "simple." Everything I want and dream of seems so far away. Will it ever be mine? Will I ever feel completely fulfilled and satiated with what life has to offer me?

It's been too long since I've experienced any sense of euphoria or ecstacy. It's just been way too long...